Why are you here?

       I never thought I (Calandra) would get asked this question so many times.  For the months leading up to this mission trip, I prepared to answer this very specific question once I arrived at the camp, since I knew at some point the refugees would ask me this.  I needed to provide a genuine answer, not something scripted and rehearsed.  Of course I wanted to “be the hands and feet of the Lord,” but honestly didn’t know how that statement would translate into action for me.  

      I prepared to answer a question for everyone else that I had yet to answer myself. I attempted to give an explanation that I did not even fully understand to be quite honest. I didn’t have a specific reason.  I just knew that God wanted me to go to Greece.  “Why are you here?” is a question that sounds so simple, yet I struggled to come up with a short and quick answer.  I struggled because the answer was not short and quick at all, it was very complex and had to be revealed to me.  God blessed me with the opportunity to go to Greece, but I often questioned how helpful I would be while at the refugee camp.  I questioned how I could possibly empathize and provide enough love and support to an individual who traveled miles on a tiny boat with literally only the clothes on their backs. “How helpful would I actually be given the short duration of the trip?”  I finally came up with an answer that I thought was sufficient enough, “God wants me to be a rock for these people and show them unconditional love.”  I was satisfied with this answer until the moment I stepped foot on the island of Lesvos.  

       Looking around at the beautiful landscape and seeing the bustling Greek culture made me even more confused inside.  “How in the world could there be a refugee camp full of suffering on such a beautiful island?”  It was such a stark contrast between what I saw in the camp versus outside the camp.  The island of Lesvos resembles a beautiful desktop screensaver or the many screenshots of travel destinations that I’d saved from social media.  Even though I am thousands of miles away from my family and friends on a beautiful island in Greece, this is not a vacation.  Upon arrival, I felt as if needed to convince myself and everyone else around me why I came, why I belonged. A feeling that is all too familiar to me. 

   

       I felt emotionally, spiritually, and mentally conflicted after my first shift at the camp.  I could not sleep at all that night, because I could not help but to think of the many refugees that still needed shelter.  I felt as if I did not deserve to sleep in a bed when there were people sleeping on the bare ground at camp.  I tossed and turned for hours and then I just decided to pray. I prayed for peace of mind and safety for the refugees.  Then instantly everything that was confusing to me became clear and I knew exactly why I was brought to this island. I knew exactly why I jumped on a plane to travel thousands of miles to help people seeking asylum from situations that I could not even begin to imagine. God reveled everything to me all at once and I mean all at once and it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

       Often throughout the first day today and also in our group meetings leading up to the trip, I would get asked “describe one word about how you’re feeling?” Which if you really know me, you know I have no problem sharing my feelings and it’s going to take A LOT more than one word. If you truly know me, you know that I have not issue speaking on the way I feel and describing my emotions.  The only word I could describe how I felt leading up to visiting the camp was “anxiety” because I was just very excited to see the camp and what exactly was going on there. “Would it be like the pictures and articles that I’ve seen on the Internet?” “Would it resemble the aftermath of Katrina? Our own southern border of Mexico? What does a ‘refugee’ even look like? Would I honestly even be able to tell the difference between them and someone off the street? Between them and myself?”

       Very many unanswered questions riled my brain and it is just not my personality to leave questions unanswered. Stepping foot on the camp made me realize I was wrong.  I was attempting to answer questions that I did not have the answers to and walking into the front gates of the refugee camp, I realized immediately why I didn’t not have the answers. I could not answer the question of “Why are you here?” Because I did not make the decision to come here myself. Okay, let me explain... Yes, I agreed to join this mission trip team. Yes, I raised funds and went to meetings monthly and prepared for this trip. Yes, I packed my bags and caught multiple flights to the island of Lesvos. I did all of that. But I did not choose to be here. God chose me to be here and I listened and followed. God revealed to me the answer that I could not provide.  I foolishly attempted to comprehend the reason for me being on this island, which was completely beyond me which stemmed from limitless understanding and sum it up into one word from my limited understanding. Just like the typical Christian, I attempted to use my human logic to foolishly explain and comprehend God’s plan for me. I was really trying to sum it up in one word as if that were even possible. I was trying to explain divine purpose and emotion into earthly snd human terms.

 What I was trying to did was illogical, which explained why I could not only process what I was feelings but also express those feelings. God revealed to me such things that could only be translated to my heart and acted out through my hands. I couldn’t explain my purpose so I needed to show it. Everything I’ve ever complained about felt small. I feel small compared to the sea of people I passed by in the refugee camp. I realized why I am here and it is not to “help” these people. How could I help these people coming from a situation that I would not even imagine in my worst nightmare? Who am I to even say I came to help these people? I am nothing. We all are nothing in comparison to God. I cannot help the refugees to find a permanent home, but what I can do is reflect the never ending love that God has shown me. I am not giving back to these people, I am giving to God. I am giving Him what is owed.

-C. Jones